I do believe I am falling in love with yoga. It is connecting me with my physical self in a way that I did not think possible. I am getting to know my body. I am listening and nurturing and most importantly doing so with a sense of peaceful focus that I have not experienced before. Seriously, I can feel my perspective shifting a little each day and I am in awe of this process. I have had a negative body image as long as I can remember and in turn have tried numerous ways to come to terms with this deep, ingrained attitude but somehow I haven’t been able to sit with the strong rooted critic, who makes me look at myself in the mirror; in disgust at the worst of times and in helplessness the rest of the time. There seems to be such a wide distance between the inner me and what I look like on the outside.This time it feels different though, I have hope. Of course there is so much to learn and as always I am daunted, expecting myself to know everything straight away, to be able to do everything within one practice. However, I am equally, if not more so, excited to be at the beginning of this journey. For me to say that I am embracing being a beginner is a large leap!
This month I have signed up for 30 Days of Yoga for Busy People, taught by Marianne Elliott. I deliberated a great deal before clicking that purchase button, as committing myself to daily practice is another huge step from dabbling every now and again. Sometimes I commit to so much that even though it is all creative and spiritual goodness, I end up putting silly amounts of pressure on myself to stay on task, to complete all perfectly. But I paused, I shut my eyes and my gut feeling, that intuition I am cultivating, told me this was the right thing to do. Not only is Marianne a really thorough, clear and motivating teacher, with an extremely well thought out course, but she seems to know exactly what I need- magic indeed. The opportunity to learn how to ground myself, to find the time to be properly still, to acknowledge my body and to let thoughts come and go without holding on, is in itself literally life changing for me. Three days of such time and I do feel myself recharging, tapping into my deeper energy sources. And because there isn’t a large time demand on the yoga practice each day I can actually fit it in without feeling stressed, allowing it to fit in with the rhythms of my days.
This morning I woke up early and practised the routines for this week outside in my garden sactuary ( I can’t just say garden without the word sanctuary anymore as it feels like such a special, personal space). Afterwards my eyes were open wide. So I leave you with with much appreciation for today.