What's outside the window?

This week's theme is 'What's outside the window?'. My response rather surprised me as I wanted a really pretty framed scene yet settled upon this slightly moody, simple shot of what I see if I look up out of my living room window. But you see, this photo speaks volumes about my week so far. 

I need to look up. Stop  getting absolutely buried in the detail. 

(Oh my, I have been swamped.) 

I need clarity. Simple lines.  

I need air. Space.

I need that cheeky glimpse of sunshine peeking through the clouds. 

I found this beautiful quote, which also felt quite apt, as it makes me want to look up often:

The sky is that beautiful old parchment 

in which the sun and the moon 

keep their diary. 

 ~Alfred Kreymborg

Howl often

That’s it, I have finished reading Women Who Run With Wolves. It is a strange feeling as I’ve never read a book quite  like this before. I learned many truths, have digested a rainbow of stories, looked at myself with thorough honesty, and added a huge splash of wisdom  to my life. I am also more than ever hooked on storytelling.

Today I would like to share with you a few snippets, which I have put into my healing bag, ready to take out whenever I need to. In the final teaching chapter Estes shares powerful, rousing plea to embrace all that we are. It was one of those moments when it was like she knew me personally, it made my heart thump. I don’t want to spoil the pleasure of you discovering that plea for yourselves but I shall share the phrase that glows with many lights for me:

“So come out, come out wherever you are. Leave deep footprints because you can.”

The deep footprints encapsulate what is in my heart, to make a real and connected impact on this earth, for my own wild self and for the world I have the honor to live in. I am reminded so often how short and precious life is,  footprints are vital. Mine and yours. Some days it feels like those prints have been blown away by the wind. Some days it is hard to walk, to make those prints in the first place. But they do matter. Each and every one of them.

Estes also writes a list of wolf rules for life . My favourite rule has to be:

“Howl often.”

Howl. Communicate. Connect. Celebrate my voice. Know that I am alive. Let myself be heard. Release that negativity, get rid of it, put it out there and move on.

The last story in the book is one of a woman reclaiming her true self with the aid of a wise wolf, who helps the woman see  the truths in her life clearly for the first time, both the good and the bad. The wolf leaves her with the precious question, the vital question to take away and use in her life:

"Where is the soul?"

For me it is all to easy to get caught up in the everyday, to be automatic in my actions as a part of my daily routines, to relay on the routines, the comfort zones. But really to live  with purpose I have to open your eyes wide and search for that soul; the life force, the humanity. This is a crazy life, just maybe asking myself the soul question might make me appreciate it more.

The stories told so powerfully by Estes  have made my creative senses tingle, although I am not yet sure where this will lead. What I did know this morning was that I had to create a piece of artwork to celebrate this wolf journey

Of course now I feel a little lost, as I always do when I have finished a book, which has become a part of me. I really like the idea of further exploring storytelling but do not know quite where to start. Do you have any suggestions?

Heart

This week's theme is simply but beautifully 'heart'. I have a bit of a thing for hearts and so there are many to see in my home. I chose this Emma Bridgewater milk jug as I am inspired by her gorgeously unique, vintage patterns. 

 Whilst quotation searching (I love to collect wise words) I found this one:

"Faith is a passionate intuition."

William Wordsworth 

Following my heart, that gut feeling beating deep inside, is what I aspire to. 

Namaste

I do believe I am falling in love with yoga. It is connecting me with my physical self in a way that I did not think possible. I am getting to know my body. I am listening and nurturing and most importantly doing so with a sense of peaceful focus that I have not experienced before. Seriously, I can feel my perspective shifting a little each day and I am in awe of this process. I have had a negative body image as long as I can remember and in turn have tried numerous ways to come to terms with this deep, ingrained attitude but somehow I haven’t been able to sit with the strong rooted critic, who makes me look at myself in the mirror; in disgust at the worst of times and in helplessness the rest of the time. There seems to be such a wide distance between the inner me and what I look like on the outside.This time it feels different though, I have hope. Of course there is so much to learn and as always I am daunted, expecting myself to know everything straight away, to be able to do everything within one practice. However, I am equally, if not more so, excited to be at the beginning of this journey. For me to say that I am embracing being a beginner is a large leap!

This month I have signed up for 30 Days of Yoga for Busy People, taught by Marianne Elliott. I deliberated a great deal before clicking that purchase button, as committing myself to daily practice is another huge step from dabbling every now and again. Sometimes I commit to so much that even though it is all creative and spiritual goodness, I end up putting silly amounts of pressure on myself to stay on task, to complete all perfectly. But I paused, I shut my eyes and my gut feeling, that intuition I am cultivating,  told me this was the right thing to do. Not only is Marianne a really thorough, clear and motivating teacher, with an extremely well thought out course, but she seems to know exactly what I need- magic indeed. The opportunity  to learn how to ground myself, to find the time to be properly still, to acknowledge my body  and to let  thoughts come and go without holding on, is in itself  literally life changing for me. Three days of such time and I do feel myself recharging, tapping into my deeper energy sources. And because there isn’t a large time demand on the yoga practice each day I can actually fit it in without feeling stressed,  allowing it to fit in with the rhythms of my days.

This morning I woke up early and practised the routines for this week outside in my garden sactuary ( I can’t just say garden without the word sanctuary anymore as it feels like such a special, personal  space). Afterwards my eyes were open wide. So I leave you with with much appreciation for today.

Memory

This week's prompt is 'memory'. I thought I would open my box of old photographs and simply pick one for inspiration. Without warning  a poem needed to be written. I often wish I could travel back in time and befriend the younger me; to give her the love, hope and wisdom she needed so desperately. Therefore I have interpreted the theme quite freely but these thoughts are very much a part of me.

Time Traveller

Build fierce memories.

Keep them as maps tucked inside.

Reach, let them guide you.

Life is light and dark.

Attack the dense, inked shadows,

See the rainbows shine.

Give voice to your fears.

Swirl and twirl in their puddles.

Shed your tears freely.

Know you are enough.

Kindle that pulsing fire,

Brave and strong and true.

My sweet darling girl,

Your story is worth telling.

I will hold your hand.

Opening Doors

Sometimes the synchronicities in life truly astound me. How does the Universe manage to send me her messages in many shapes and forms, telling me what I need to explore at that poignant moment in time?

This week I have seen keys everywhere! It began whilst browsing Pinterest, where I discovered a stunning necklace with an ornate key pendant at its heart; it really spoke to me, it felt important somehow but I wasn’t exactly sure why. After this I stumbled upon a promotion poster for the film Coraline, which has a large keyhole in the centre with the following profound words within:

The braver you are the more you’ll see.

This quote has had quite an impact on me. Unlocking the braveness within is an aspect of myself that I am working extremely hard on. I am an introvert. I like my own company and if I am honest with you, having to go into the outside world can often fill me with much dread. I am not great in crowds, I am pretty rubbish at parties or gatherings and new, unfamiliar experiences have me worrying days and nights in advance. I like to hide, to keep my head down, I like to listen and people watch. But the thing is that sometimes I have to make myself go out into the big wide world because I know there is so much to learn and enjoy. I have to be brave in order to see the riches the world has to offer and in order to kindle and nurture joy within myself.

So last night was a time to be brave as the opportunity arose to go to a Richard Marx concert at the Birmingham Symphony Hall. The beautiful music of Richard Marx has accompanied my throughout my life, for every song of his I have a memory- pretty special that. I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed some more of seeing him in concert as a teenager so this was a chance to actually grant myself a wish, if only I could make myself go and not let the anxiety dragons conquer. And you know what, I managed it! The concert was absolutely awesome. His support singer was John Parr, of St Elmo’s Fire fame,  and that was worth the ticket price in itself for he is a cool dude indeed. As for Richard himself - well they don’t make them like that in the music industry anymore and that is for sure. Not only was his voice stirring, so full of passion and honesty, even after all these years, but the man had an brilliant connection with the audience, it was like he was there to just hang out with each and every one of us.  At one point he unplugged his guitar, stepped away from the microphone and sat on the edge of the stage to sing; you could have heard a pin drop. It was beautifully personal, magical. I am so glad I managed to unlock that brave door for the night.

The icing on the messages cake is the story of Bluebeard, which I read this morning  in Women Who Run With Wolves, with its mysterious key as leitmotif. Estes invites the reader to unlock the door inside which holds the negative part of our minds, which houses the harsh, hard, difficult thoughts, memories and experiences. Estes speaks of the need to recognise what horrible monsters may be lurking there, to acknowledge them so you can protect yourself by dealing with them, keeping them in control instead of letting them run riot and taking over. She argues that we can smooth over the cracks and pretend to ourselves that everything is fine but that if we really want to know ourselves, to really connect with that creative wild woman, to really be free, then we must choose to open that door, armed for battle. In the story the magical door only opens when the main character asks herself what the extra key she has been given might be for and what might be behind the door belonging to the key. She asks questions to explore and set herself free. I really like the idea of that as so often I see my questions as over thinking, over annalysing, not as something fruitful in the long term.  The poor woman has to go through a pretty horrid time once she does discover what is there, but in the end she is the stronger, more connected for having faced her demons. Once she stops being so very afraid she is charged with soul power, with a fierce determination, with grit. She even manages to turn her story to her advantage. What a warrior! I shall leave you with my favourite paragraph from the chapter-  this is what I want to experience:

“...the psychic key, the ability to ask any and all questions, about oneself, about ones family, one’s endeavors.... Then like a wildish being who sniffs things out, snuffles into and under and around to discover what a thing is, a woman is free to find trues answers to her deepest and darkest questions. She is free to wrest the powers from the thing which has assailed her to turn those powers, which were once  used against her, to her own well suited and excellent uses. That, is a wildish woman.”

- Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Water

This week Bella's prompt is simply but beautifully 'water'. Ideally I would have taken gorgeous sunset coastal shots, but I do not have the luxury and honour of being at one with the sea at this moment in time. Therefore I opted for the next best thing for me; a deep bath, full to the brim with soothing bubbles. Water for me means peace, time to reflect, time to be myself and in fact to just be.